The Letter ~ My Deepest Thoughts
by Tabi
Summary: Ah , my first finished angsty Taito peice :D . I'm quite proud of this one ^o^ .


****THE LETTER****  
  
***MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS***  
  
~ By Tabi  
  
You rejected me .  
You didn't need to . It wasn't neccisary . What was the point ?  
Dammit Tai , I *TOLD* you how much I loved you !! I told you , I poured my heart out to you , holding onto the fragile shards of hope , thinking that prehaps you might love me too ... that only hope that had been driving me for so long now , and all of it ... it was just - it was just taken from me .  
You took it from me .  
I suppose I was foolish to rely on dreams so much ... dreams . I could kill any superior being who was stupid enough to let us have dreams , to let those dreams rise up and encompass us until all we have is those dreams , and real life doesn't seem to matter anymore , just ... just as long as we have those dreams ...  
Still , that didn't matter to you , did it ? I called you up , I took you to the park , the park where we'd shared so many games of soccer , so many ... so many memories ... we went there , I led you underneath those beautiful blossoming trees ... I stood close to you , prehaps I thought that it might help in some way , leaning in so close to you , prehaps hoping for a kiss once I had told you ...  
Again , that pathetic and futile emotion , hope ... the emotion that I could have done without , I'm sure .  
You were nervous , I could tell . The way you stood , the way you breathed , the way you couldn't seem to focus on anything , you just kept looking around like ... like you didn't want to look at me .  
Had you guessed already ? Did you know ? Was that why you didn't want to look me in the eye ? Why you didn't even want to look at me ?  
I already didn't feel comftable . If you'd have been able to relax and just look at me normally like you always did , I ... I think that it might have helped me ...  
But I guess neither of us could have been comftable ... I wish that we could have been , but no .  
We'd even been lucky enough to ditch Kari and TK off at the video arcade for an hour or two ... my heart had sank when I heard your Mum tell you on the phone that you needed to bring Kari ... TK was over at the time , when he heard that Kari was coming , he just had to come with me . And I couldn't have said no to him , what would I have said to him ?? 'Oh , I don't want you to come along , I want to confess my undying love to Tai' ... yeah , THAT'D have gone down well .  
So we had them tagging along . And .. you seemed to know that I had another purpose , you were the one who suggested going to the arcade ..  
Such a good idea , why didn't I think of that ?  
Still , I suppose that I had other things on my mind . But , as I was saying , we finally managed to ditch the others . And my mind was put slightly at rest ... there was no way I could have told you how I felt if there was the risk that we'd be caught ... but there was no way that I could put it off any longer . No way . And ... I suppose I was just so hell-bent that ... I thought that maybe it was a good idea ... I guess that it wasn't , after all .  
I was just so sick of holding back !!  
Every single day that I'd see you , I'd see you , and I'd want to say something to tell you how I felt , make you see things from my point of veiw , it'd make me feel sick to my stomach everytime you told me of when you were dating girls , and all that that ensued ...  
I didn't want to hear of that . I didn't want to hear of you with them , I wanted to somehow be with you ... I wanted everyone to know , I wanted to shout it from the rooftops !! ... But ... first , I had to tell you . Run it past you . Make sure it was okay before I made any rash moves ...  
I suppose I just didn't plan for a negative response . I mean , we'd been friends for so long , *close* friends ... such close friends ... I never wanted to risk that friendship , but I didn't want to stay silent and trapped for any longer ..  
I had you pinned to the tree , my hands at your shoulders . You .. you didn't say anything , but I could tell that you knew that something was very wrong .  
The way I kept you still , had YOU trapped for the moment , the way the tears sparkled in my eyes , the way my breathing was short and sharp almost , the way my voice wavered ...  
Then words came out . "Tai - I love you . As more than just as a friend ... I ... I love you as ... as ... I'd like to love you as a ... a ... a romantic partner ... if you ... see what I mean ... I ... I love you so much , and I don't know what I'd ever do without you .. "  
I dropped my head in - prehaps it was almost shame . You still didn't look me in the eye ... you didn't want to look at me . Your head was turned in the total opposite direction , even ... staring at some tree over to the left ... you didn't want to look at me . I was strange to you ... springing something like that isn't fair if you don't expect it , all my dreams had ... well ... I'd hoped that prehaps you HAD picked up on my signs , but , obviously , you didn't ...  
For ages , you didn't say anything . I didn't say anything . There didn't seem to be much for either of us to say , then I remembered that I'd left off in the middle of a sentance more or less ... it was like the last breath of a dying man , trying to get those words out , when I looked up to see the ... the annoyed expression on your face ... you looked so annoyed , I saw tears edging in the corner of your eyes , but you didn't let them fall , always being so corageous , oh Tai ... I couldn't help but carry on , you DO understand , don't you ? " I know now that you're the only person I could ever love ... I ... I can't bring myself to love anyone else . You've always been there for me-"  
That was when you DID look me in the eye . And what a look it was ....  
Such a look of blistering hatred !!  
I couldn't beleive it .  
I hardly wanted to beleive it ... this was you , Tai . Tai , my best friend since , well ... I don't know , prehaps you've been the best friend I've ever had .  
But we aren't friends anymore , are we ?  
Dammit , why the hell did I have to go spoil everything by telling you how I felt ? Since when was it my place to ... to ... to spoil things between us ? I never wanted things to be ruined , and in the end , it was me who brought that ruin about !!  
I can't beleive it , not even now , not even all this time afterwards , I don't think I'll ever really accept it .  
Do you think we'll ever be friends again ? I mean , proper , good friends , like we were ?  
All that time we were friends . I never thought it'd end like this . I wonder to myself , did you think it'd end like this ?  
... Don't you remember the past ? All the things that happened to us , brought us closer ? Way back when we first went to the Digiworld , when we barely knew each other ... eventually , we became the best of friends , even you have to admit that !  
We don't .. you don't even have to admit it . We were best friends , and we both knew it . And I had to spoil it by going in too deep . I mean , I couldn't have kept on for so long without telling anyone about what I felt . The only problem was ... well , there was no-one to talk to about the whole thing ...  
Whenever I'd had a problem in the past ... well , I'd always tell you about it . I guess I still keep things inside a little , but not as much as I did before . I know now that I have friends who I can trust , but ... now ... do I even have that ?  
I don't know .  
It's like ... nothing exists anymore . There's just me , the desk in front of me , the paper where I write this , and the gnawing , angry , confused feeling that just won't go away .  
That's the feeling that hurts the most , I think . It's like .. I've wrecked everything , I did things that I shouldn't have done , and now there's nothing I can do about it ...  
Oh , Tai .. do you think you'll forgive me ? Ever ? Do you think a day will come where we can be just as good friends as we were before ? The kind of friends who told each other everything , the kind of friends who shared everything , who did everything ...  
At this moment , I look away for a second . I know that can never be , because .. as I've said before .. I spoilt everything . I spoilt the most cherished thing I've ever had , the friendship between you and me ... still , I ... I was surprised at how you reacted . I mean , I thought that even once I told you , even if you DID turn me down , even if all my worst fears came true , you'd still , prehaps , sit me down for a few moment , talk about it all , come to some distant understanding about it , even if you didn't feel totally happy with it ....  
I didn't expect you to totally freak out like that , THAT'S for sure .  
I mean , so I told you . And ... you just glared at me . That moment seemed to last forever ... the glare of pure hate ... I know pure hate when I see it , and that ... that was definetly pure hate .  
Tai , you looked at me with pure hatred .  
What did I do to deserve that ?  
I suppose , I .. no , I can't even pretend I know the answer to that one ...  
I suppose I'd spoilt your dreams . We were good friends , brilliant friends , but ... I'd been mistaken , and thought that prehaps it could be more than that .  
I suppose I was wrong , huh ?  
But still ... the look in your eyes ... the angry glitter in your eyes , the tears that threatened to fall from both your eyes and mine , the way your brow was screwed into a tight scowl ... the way your mouth was pulled , like you wanted to say something , say anything , but you just ... couldn't . Couldn't say anything . I know how you felt , because that was just how I felt ... but I didn't feel angry .  
Prehaps I should have , maybe , just maybe ... but no , I didn't feel angry . How could I feel angry with you ? I just felt ... I felt so sad , knowing I'd blown it , knowing that things would never be the same again ...  
At that moment , I'd realised that my hands were still on your shoulders . Maybe that was what you didn't like ? What made you seem so angry towards me ?  
You didn't want me touching you anymore , that's for sure . If I'd just have suspected it , I'd have been just as right , but ... well ...  
Suddenly , your hands came up from where I had them pinned down ... you forcefully brought mine away from yours ... I was dumbed through the shock , I couldn't do anything to stop you as ... you glared at me still , the glare prehaps a little more potent now that you had freedom again ... that ... you had freedom again ... freedom away from me , it seems ... and then , you , you -  
That's something I still can't quite beleive that you did .  
You never took your eyes away from me for a moment . Lost in your field of vision , I never saw it coming . I felt it first . A sudden sensation that screamed out to me as being wrong and mistaken , then the pain flowing through a little later ... a few seconds , maybe a minute , time seemed to stop ...  
The force sent me backwards . I was already weak from my confession and your reaction , I couldn't do anything to retalitate , I couldn't do anything .  
You stood above me , the world around me seemed to go black . Just you and me remained .  
You stood above me , hatred still evident in your eyes ... but this time , even you gave way to emotion . Tears streamed down from your eyes , down your cheeks ... but you just stood there . You didn't say a word , just stood there , frozen in your last action ... me frozen in mine . Your hand was outstretched , frozen to about your stomach from what I could see ...  
Slowly , I brought my hand up to my cheek . More like the entire side of my face , even . It stung . It was sore . There was pain .  
My eyes opened wide with shock and realization . I couldn't beleive it . You'd ... you'd slapped me ... and worse , you'd slapped me out of anger . Before , when we'd get into fights , there was always a meaning behind it ... we'd have disagreed on something ... I knew you were right , deep inside , I knew it to be true , but there were just some things that I couldn't agree to ...  
I suppose you couldn't agree to this , could you ? There are boundaries that are set , unspoken boundaries , and I suppose I overstepped the mark without realising it . Did I do that ? Was that what I did that was wrong ? I entered some taboo kind of world , I did something that was so wrong to you , but just so natural to me ?  
Oh , I don't know . I can't ever know . I can't ever ask you about it , either ... I can't show my face to you ever again . I don't know how you'd react , and I don't think I want to know .  
Well , of course ... part of me wants to know . Part of me wants to run to you , apologize for whatever I did that was wrong , and say I just said what I did out of a moment of madness or something .  
Something .  
Anything .  
Anything to have you back , Tai .  
I mean , it hurts me to see you with others ... other potiential partners , I mean . You know I meant that . But .. I can't really stop you . Not after this . And if it's what your heart desires , then go for it . I'm not going to stop you . It's just ... you're what my heart desires , and I'm not going to stop that , either ... I'll just try to forget I ever told you , I hope that you'd do the same , and we could carry on as if things were somehow normal once more .  
Can that happen ?  
I don't know . I just want to run to you and have you tell me that everything's alright ... tell me that you were sorry , I'd tell you that I was sorry , we'd both apologize ... and everything might be right again !!  
I just feel so useless ... I did something wrong , I recognize that now . I did something wrong , no matter how right it seemed at the time , and , well , for what I did , I'm sorry .  
I'm sorry , Tai .  
Can you hear me ?  
I'M SORRY !! For everything I did !! I don't know what I did , but for what I did , I'M SORRY !! Eternally sorry , totally sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , everything I did wrong , everytime I disagreed with you , for all the things , for everything , I'm sorry !!  
I'm sorry !! I'm ... so sorry ...  
I've said it over to myself ... I've ran various scenarios through my mind , but not one of them can come true ... all of them involve your forgiveness , and I know that ... that's something that can't come true . I mean , all I want is for you to turn up again , and tell me that we can be friends again ...  
But ... can that happen ?  
The tears fall onto the paper as I even think that . It's the only thing I want , now . Fame , fortune , popularity , worldwide fans , all of that pales into the darkness against the flame that is Taichi Kamiya , my good friend ... my former good friend .  
I mean , you hear about it all the time , don't you ? There are some friends and they're the best friends ever ... then , one day , something happens . One of the friends moves away , or they just grow too different , whatever .  
But ... it's so different when it's actually happening to you ... as it's happening to me ...  
Have you ever had that happen ? Is that what's happening to you now ?  
My mind tells me that you're probebly regretting this as much as I am , even if prehaps for different reasons . My heart hopes that you are , my heart hopes you're really regretting this ... that even half the pain and suffering that I feel , you could feel ... but you can't understand what I feel .  
Nothing . No-one can understand how I feel . No-one ever has , and I was a fool to ever think that they could ... that you could .  
You wern't there at the time , but ... well ... remember , the first time we went to the Digiworld , and I freaked out at you , and tried to attack you with MetalGarurumon ? Around the time of the Puppetmon thing . You can't forget it , I'm sure .  
But at that time ... Cherrymon , this big tree , had tried to convince me that you were my biggest rival , and the only way that I could properly become strong , powerful and all of that was to defeat you ...  
I didn't beleive it , but Cherrymon put up such a convincing argument that I just couldn't help it !! And Gabumon came along with me because he wanted to prove that he was a true friend ...  
But , during all of that , there was one thing that stuck with me . It was something that Cherrymon said . Oh , it was so long ago that I don't remember it exactly , but it was something like "Friendship , loyalty , courage , comeradeship ... all fine words , but that's all that they are - words ." .... at the time , Gabumon - well , he was MetalGarurumon at the time - tried to convince me that that wasn't true . They were more than words ... but things like this , this event in particular , it makes me think ..  
Are they just words ?  
It sure seems like that to me . Everytime you think that one of these things is a true , real thing that could almost be softly touched , they blow up in your face , leaving you alone and out in the cold ...  
That's what I feel like , Tai . Like everything and everyone's left me outside , shut out and on my own ...  
You , especially . I can see myself looking through a window at you , you and your perfect life , the life without me ... you can survive without me . You've survived through a lot , I'm sure . But can I survive without you ? Just picture it for a moment , for me , please ..  
It'd be some kind of social event . Something like a Christmas . You'd all be there , all of you . You , Sora , Mimi , Izzy , Joe , Davis , TK , everyone . Maybe even all the Digimon as well .  
But I couldn't come along . I wouldn't even be able to show my face , I wouldn't want to be anywhere where you'd be , you'd ... well , I don't even know how you'd react . I'm not sure I want to .  
Instead , I'd be hanging around outside . I'd look through the window and see you there . You'd be laughing , you'd be happy , you might even be having a little christmas drink , who knows . Maybe even Gabumon might be there . The other Digimon would ask him where I was .. he'd just say that I felt ill , or something . You'd overhear .. prehaps you wouldn't give it a second thought , who knows . But you'd overhear ...  
And , on the off-occasion that you DID care , you'd pause where you were for a moment , and think of me , for just a second ... then , you'd happen to look over at the window .  
You'd see me there .  
It might even start to snow .  
For a second , we'd look into each other's eyes ... like as it happened to me , it'd happen to you ... it'd be like everyone else was gone , like it was just you and me in the world again ... I'd try to glare at you , one glare trying to express all the pain and hate within me for what you did , but more like the silent screaming that I wish to express to you somehow ... I'd try to glare , but I'd fail . My will'd drop , you'd just stand there , I'd just stand there , then , not being able to take it anymore , I'd run off , and ... you wouldn't have to think of me , ever again .  
I remember once , a thought I had ... it was after I realised how much I loved you , but it was before I even thought about actually REALLY telling you how I really felt ... it was just a passing thought , you know . But that thought was 'I'm so happy that Tai and I are friends ..  
We're friends , and he cares for me .. as long as he cares for me , I'm happy ... and if anything happened so that he DIDN'T care for me ...  
I ... I ... I'd just die . I wouldn't be able to live without his friendship ... the close friendship we share ...'  
Sure , it's cheesy . A little corny . But it was how I felt at the time . It sounded so nice to me at the time that I even wrote it in my diary , yeah , I keep a diary . I started keeping it at around the time we came back from the Digiworld ... it's got a rough summary of all the stuff that happened there , all the stuff that happened with Diaborimon , all the stuff that happened once we met Davis and all the rest , all the stuff with the Digimon Emperor and all of that ... but most of all , it's got about me and you . Just simple things that'd happen . Simple things that I'd elaborate on .  
For example ... a trip that you and me'd take to the park , to play a game of soccer . I'd note all the things that you did that came across as cute ... I'd write down all the things that you said that I liked , I'd ... well , you get the idea .  
Now , that diary is all that's left of our friendship ... maybe I should leave it to you . Kind of like an exchange diary , you know , they have it in all the old shoujo shows . Only , this diary wouldn't be exchanged , because it'd be too late for that ...  
I don't even know what I'm saying now . It's like when I write in my diary ... I can write and write , write pages and pages , and I'll look back on them , and realise that prehaps I had a point , but it got lost somewhere along the way ...  
It's so late at night . Or maybe it'd be proper to say that it's so early in the morning ... I don't know . I haven't looked at a clock for hours I'm sure , the last time I looked at the clock , it was about eleven at night . Who knows . Who cares ? Time just prolongs the pain for me .  
If only time could stop . But what would that bring ? I don't know .  
Maybe it's not time that should stop , maybe it's me that should stop .  
Maybe I should just leave everything . Yeah , you know what I'm talking about ... I mean , sure , it'd mean leaving TK and the rest , my father and the flat and my band and Gabumon and my fans and everything like that , moreover , it'd mean leaving you ... I'm in two minds about that one . If I left you forever , it'd mean never seeing you again . That would mean that I'd never have to look at you and feel the pain of knowing that you hate me , never have to look at you and remember the exact thoughts that ran through my worried mind as you glared at me , before you slapped me ... but also , I'd never be able to see you smile again ... see you smile , see you laugh , see you act like a pillock just to make us laugh ... see you act so caring around your friends , one of which used to be me ...  
I know I'll never see that again anyway . But the caring about your friends bit , well , I'd be able to see you playing soccer with Davis or helping Kari with schoolwork or ... you know , all of that kind of stuff .  
Still , I doubt I could bring myself to see you anyway . Even if someone like Joe came over , asking if I could come down the park or something , I wouldn't be able to come . He'd ask why , I'd ask if you would be there , he wouldn't know ... I'd only come if I knew that you wouldn't be there . If I knew that you'd be there ... no , I wouldn't be able to go .  
I mean , it's not like I wouldn't WANT you to be there or anything , it's just that I'd rather not go because .. well , I'd be worried . Worried that you'd look at me angrily , worried that you'd say something harsh to me , worried that you wouldn't say anything at all ...  
It's all the fear of the unknown , I suppose . But sometimes , fear of the known is worse . Knowing that you hate me , knowing that we can never be friends , knowing that I'm repeating myself over and over but it can't do a single drop of good ...  
Damn ... pouring my soul out to this paper , it's all I CAN pour my soul out to ... there's no-one I can tell , no-one I can confide in ...   
I know that I shouldn't bottle things up . It's what drove me past the edge last time , anyway .  
But what other choice do I have ? It's like I've run into a dead end .  
If I try to talk to you , you'll only throw it back in my face . I mean , in my heart of hearts , I wish that that wouldn't happen , but after what happened when I DID try and optomistic look , I don't dare to hope again .  
As I've said before , I've never really trusted anyone else . I mean , I trust all of my friends to a certain degree , but Tai , you were the one I trusted the most . That's the truth . I told you stuff I'd never dream of telling anyone else , and I guess that's my failing . I could never tell any of the others about how I felt about you ... I mean , I just don't think they'd understand . Mimi'd probebly think that it was gross or something , Sora'd be pissed off - we all know she's got that crush on you , you think you'll ever go out with her ? Might as well , you'll never choose me - Izzy'd probebly just blink and go back to his computer , Joe ... I dunno . Maybe we could trust him ?  
There I go again , 'we' ... huh .  
As for TK and Kari , I dunno ... they'd probebly freak out or something like that . And as for Davis and that lot ... I don't really feel that I know them that well .  
Also , something like that , I wouldn't be able to tell people unless I knew that I had your permission . And I doubt it's something you'd give permission for ... it's probebly something you'd rather forget .  
What is it that you want to forget ?  
Just that I told you that I loved you ? If you managed to forget that , and I kept it all quiet , pretended that it was some sort of joke or something , would we be able to be friends again ? Or ... do you want to forget the whole thing ? Like , that we were ever friends ? Do you want to forget everything , and start a new best friendship with someone else , like , I dunno , Izzy or someone ? You might as well , you made it perfectly obvious that you don't want ME as a friend any more .  
You didn't want me .  
I can't help but smile at that . Mirthlessly , wryly , without any trace of happy emotions , but smile at that I do anyway . Tai , there are a million fangirls out there that'd die just to have me as their friend , letalone anything more . You , you have my friendship , even if I don't have yours ... you have my almost unconditional love ... I say almost , I can't quite forgive you for rejecting me like that ..  
But that's just selfishness .  
Idiot ... I'm an idiot , how the hell could I be so selfish ? Just because I have a million fangirls or whatever , it doesn't mean that you'd want me .  
And why should I hate you for pushing me away ? It was me who was wrong , I should never have inflicted those kinds of emotions onto you ... just because I love you with all my heart doesn't mean that you have to love me back , I guess .  
So that's why I know that this is the right thing . My Dad's out for the week on some business thing , so I know that this is the right thing .  
I have the house to my own , so no-one can hear me cry . Just me and the lonley night , the night is the only thing to hear my harrowing cries and sordid emotions ... every night I'll stand on that balcony and let out a cry of pure pain to the unfeeling city outside , the city that doesn't even know what happened ... the anoniminity of it makes it a little more calming . I could go insane in this flat and no-one'd know or care , because here , I'm on my own .  
I could kill myself . I could kill myself and just stay here , dead to the world , and no-one'd even find me until my Dad came back . Oh , sure , people might come knocking , but me and Dad , we're the only people with keys to this place .  
Does TK have a key ? I'm not really sure . I don't think so , else he might visit more often ... maybe Mom has a key ?  
Why am I even thinking about this ?  
For the moment , I'm sitting here , writing this . But this time tomorrow , I won't have to worry about anything here . I can forget all of this and launch a new life somewhere else . 'Cause this time tomorrow , I'm on a one-way trip to America with the guys from the band to try and branch out a bit .  
I don't know if we'll break America or not , but if you see me on the television , some live band or something , stop and watch for a bit , and remember me . Don't forget me , that would be the worst thing ; no matter how much you want to forget me , please don't ...  
I'm not going to forget you .  
I love you , Tai .  
I love you , I love you , I love you and I miss you ... and if I could have you back as a friend , well , sure , I'd have you back . Even if we were just friends and nothing more ...  
Still , I guess none of that really matters , because sometimes things change , and not always for the better . I guess this was just one of those things , y'know .  
But still , it's true ...  
I won't forget the times we shared . The things we did . Nothing . I'm not going to forget anything , because ... well , you know already .  
Don't forget me , I'm not going to forget you .  
I love you .  
  
  
Have a good one ,  
  
  
- Yamato Ishida -  
  
  
  
****  
  
  
The morning .  
It's a quiet morning . Nothing much happening . Some birds twittering their lives by , some insects buzzing , people milling lesurely along .  
But through all of this idyllic tranquility , there were two figures who were in more of a hurry than anything else .  
Taichi Kamiya and Joe Kidou walked along the path . Well , Tai was fast-pacing it , while Joe was harried to keep up with him .  
Joe scowled a little .  
" Tai , slow down !! "  
" I don't WANT to slow down , I want to hurry up ! Can't you hurry up ? Who knows what's happened ?? I mean , I phoned half a million times but there wasn't even an answer , not even his Dad , but I happen to know that his Dad's away on business 'cause that was what Kari told me after she'd seen TK some afternoon and I thought 'Oh , so he's all on his own ?' , and at the time I didn't really care , but now , I mean , who knows what might have happened ? Damn , I'm such an IDIOT !! How could I let something like this happen , to my best friend of all people ? How could I be so insensitive ? He poured his heart out , that hadda to have taken a lot of courage , and I spited his friendship .. do you see ? Dammit , we've gotta HURRY !! He's all alone in there , and he's probebly depressed , and-"  
" - AND CAN YOU CALM DOWN FOR JUST A MOMENT ?? TAKE A BREATH , FOR GOD'S SAKE !!! "  
" ...... ! ...... "  
Tai stopped stock still in his tracks . He blinked stupidly at the older boy for a few seconds .  
He sighed , a resigned look on his face . His hands dug deep into his pockets for no particular reason , and he looked away from Joe for a moment .  
" ... I'm sorry , Joe . I'm just really worried , that's all . "  
Joe sighed , and looked a little calmer also .  
" I'm sorry too , I shouldn't have snapped at you . "  
Tai looked up at Joe with slightly wide eyes . Joe stared at him for a second , smiling calmly , granting silent forgiveness .  
Tai looked back to the path in front of him , gently kicking some fallen leaves out of his way .  
The wind whipped up around the two teenagers , throwing the previously kicked leaves up into a flurry around Tai and Joe , as if trying to wreak some kind of revenge onto Tai for kicking them around in the first place . They seemed to realise that this was a foolish gesture , and once the wind died down , so did they .  
Still , Tai went on kicking the leaves .  
He spoke in a subdued tone , still staring down at the floor , still kicking leaves around . The red scarf around his neck fluttered a little .  
" ... Joe ? "  
" Mn ? "  
" ... Why am I so STUPID ? "  
Tai punctuated his speech with a savage kick at the leaves in front of him .  
Joe watched Tai sympathetically for a moment , and sighed . He shrugged and carried on walking , but slowly , so that Tai would be able to catch up .  
" You know I can't answer that one , Tai . But , you know , you always WERE a little reckless at times ... ? "  
Joe looked over his shoulder , smiling for a second . He opened his eyes , and realised that Tai didn't even see his smile , let alone see any slight humor in the situation .  
" ... Uh , anyway ... I just guess what Matt said took you by surprise , that's all . I mean , it's not really what you expect , is it ? Your best friend suddenly tells you that he loves you , not just as a friend , but as ... well , you know . It's gotta be a shock to the system . I mean , I haven't had that happen , not yet , but .. hmm .. "  
Tai glared at Joe for a second .  
" Stay on track , Joe . "  
Another sudden gust of wind , Tai's scarf billowed in the wind . But just for a few seconds .  
Again , Tai looked away .  
" Damnit ... I'm just so snappy today . "  
" I don't blame you . "  
Tai looked up at Joe , a serious look on his face .  
His large , friendly brown eyes echoed with a sudden darker flash , almost . A sense of maturity seemed to flow from him , and this didn't go un-noticed by Joe .  
Tai's eyes narrowed a little .  
" Don't you ? "  
" Nuh , uh , that is , no !! Of course not !! I mean , okay , so you regret what happened . Any good friend would . But you're doing something about it , which is a good thing !! Tai , you're doing the right thing ! "  
Tai paused for a moment . His scarf was partially blown from his neck , and he abstractedly rearranged it on his neck .  
" Joe ... "  
" Yes , Tai ? "  
" ... what if it's , well , you know , too late ? I mean ... well ... y-you know ... "  
Joe's sympathetic look returned as he noticed Tai's brown eyes start to shine a little with tears that were threatening to fall .  
Tai hugged himself , standing still for a moment , then rocking himself back and forth a little .  
" Tai ... "  
" But Joe !! You know what Matt used to be like , how depressed he used to get ... I mean , remember the time when he went evil and freaked out on us ? When he wanted to fight with Agumon ? That was a desprate thing to do . We know he's capable of desprate things - is he capable of the ultimate thing ? "  
Tai closed his eyes and carried on rocking . This time , his tears didn't bother to hold back , and soon , Tai had twin streams flowing down his cheeks .  
His breath was coming a little ragged now .  
" But - if - I - I - I just , I just feel so guilty , because , if we , you know , don't get there in time then , you know , we'll - I - I mean that - if it wasn't for me then - haah - huuh - haah - heuhh - "  
Joe ran the last few paces up to Tai , arms outstreched , a little further away from Tai .  
" Tai , Tai , calm down ! You're having a panic attack . It's usually ME who has the panic attacks !! Calm down , calm down , calm down ! We can't help Matt if you faint or something !! "  
Tai couldn't quite speak at that moment , but he looked at Joe , and nodded through his laboured breathing .  
Joe was panicking a little bit by this point , flapping his hands at Tai as if he thought that it'd help .  
" Ah , uh , Tai , take a deep breath , hold it , breathe out again , do it over and over until you've stopped hyperventilating ... "  
Joe put his hand on Tai's shoulder , guiding his breathing a little by that .  
Tai did his best to level his breathing out . After a few minutes , his breathing was down to a managable level .  
Tai took one last deep breath . He held his breath for a moment , let it out again , then turned to smile weakly at Joe .  
" Joe , thanks . Sorry . I suppose I over-reacted there a bit . "  
Joe smiled warmly , doing his best to calm Tai down .  
" Well , prehaps a little . "  
His look turned a little more concerned .  
" You okay now ? "  
Tai nodded .  
" Yeah , I think so . I just feel so ... well ... before , it's like , I was always on top of the situation .. "  
Tai's look turned deeply sorrowful as he bowed his head a little . Joe looked pensive ... he was worried about Tai , he was worried about Matt , and he wasn't sure what to do about the either of them .  
" .. but now .. well .. it's like ... this time , there's nothing I can do . Before , there was always SOMETHING ... I mean , I was the leader for so long and after a while , it was like there wasn't anything that I couldn't do , but ... now ... "  
Tai sighed and closed his eyes .  
" ... now , there's hardly anything I can do . "  
" No , Tai , there IS something we can do !! But first , we've got to get to Matt's apartment , right ? That was where we were heading for in such a hurry , wasn't it ?? "  
" Yeah , you're right ... yes , come on , let's hurry . "  
Tai wiped the tears from his eyes , and then instantly shot off in the opposite direction to Joe .  
Joe blinked stupidly for a second , before taking chase up behind Tai .  
" HEY , TAI , WAIT UP !! I'M PART OF THIS MOVEMENT TOO !! Jeez , again  
with the fast thing ... "  
  
****  
  
" ... The door's open ... "  
Joe caught up with Tai at last , panting something awful . However , Joe couldn't think about his own problems . Tai , so determined before , was now acting like he'd been punched in the stomach , all the courage seemed to have drained from him just as the colour had drained from his face once he'd realised that the door wasn't locked .  
" ... Matt values his privacy more than anyone , we know that . He wouldn't just leave the door open unless - unless - "  
Tai stood stock still for a second , shocked into silence for a moment . Joe realised Tai's line of thought , and gasped just as Tai ran into the apartment .  
" TAI !! "  
He chased after his friend .  
" Tai , we don't KNOW that ... I mean , Matt might get a bit hot-headed sometimes , but he .. he wouldn't do THAT , would he ? "  
Tai almost skidded into the lounge , looking around despratly . He sounded so shaken and worried , but still determined , and Joe admired that .  
" We don't know that , Joe ... damn , where the hell is he ?? He wouldn't have just popped out . He hasn't been out of his apartment since .. well , what happened two weeks ago . "  
Joe's head popped out from around the adjoining door .  
" He's not in the kitchen . What happened two weeks ago ? "  
A glare from Tai .  
Sudden realisation hit Joe , and he nodded , understanding .  
" Oh , um , yeah , I , I see ... I gettit . Sorry . "  
" It's okay , you didn't mean it . MAAAATT ?? MAAAATT !! He might have fallen asleep , or worse .. "  
Tai ran to a shut door at the back of the room .  
On the door , a sign read 'Keep Out , Matt's Room' . Underneath that , there was a signed photo of the Teenage Wolves , and a small doodle of a fangirl who looked mysteriously like someone who Tai knew getting smashed by a large hammer .  
" ... 'No Admittance To Fangirls' ... yeah , that's just like Matt to have something like THAT on his door . "  
Tai smiled momentarily through the worry , panic and tears to remember the actions of his friend ...  
The urgency of the situation hit into Tai's head with the impact of a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick , and he rapped his clenched fist against Matt's door .  
" MAAAAAAAAAATT !!! You've gotta be in there .... MAAAAAATT !! OPEN UP , IT'S ME , TAI !! I'M SORRY !! I'M SORRY !! DO YOU HEAR ME ? I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID , AND IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION ... "  
Tai didn't finish his sentance .  
Tears were streaming down his face , his fingernails dug into his palm , Joe put a hand on his shoulder .  
Tai spun around in shock .  
" Matt- ? Oh , sorry Joe , I , I , I sorta thought that ... "  
" You thought I was Matt ... sorry to dissapoint . You can stand and knock on his door all day , but have you tried going in ? "  
Tai turned back to face the door , and reached for the doorhandle .  
His hand gently closed around the metal object , and he just stood there for a few seconds .  
Joe opened his mouth to speak , but Tai beat him to it .  
" ... I'm scared ... "  
" Hm ? "  
" If I stay here and yell at him , wether he can hear me or not , it's good to know that ... well , I don't know . Once I open that door , I'm gonna be faced with something I'm not sure I can handle . I mean , okay , so prehaps he just fell asleep or something , and he really can't hear us , even though we've made one hell of a racket while we've been here . "  
Tai gulped , choosing his words carefully , speaking slowly , hardly wanting to tell Joe what was in his heart .  
" Or ... we could go in and ... we might ... he might ... he might be there , and ... he wouldn't be asleep ... he'd be there , but he wouldn't be here anymore ... and ... it'd be all because of me , and I think that - "  
A sudden icy fear gripped Tai's heart . He spun round once more , face mere inches from Joe's . Pure , honest fear shone in the tear-stained eyes of Tai . Tai was crying now , and he wasn't afraid to show that to Joe ...  
" ... I ... might ... have ... killed ... my ... best ... friend ... "  
Suddenly , without warning , Tai launched himself into Joe's arms . Joe was surprised for a second , before gingerly wrapping his arms around the sobbing and near-hysterical form of Tai .  
Tentitivly , he patted Tai on the back .  
" Umm ... there there , there there ... "  
" Joe , -hic- ... I ... -sniff- ... I need a friend , -sniff- ... I need a friend , because I don't think that Matt's going to be around any more and it's all because of me and my STUPID big mouth yelling off when it shouldn't , and I couldn't even tell that he loved me because I wasn't even paying attention , -sob- ... or maybe I just didn't want to -hic- pay attention , because I didn't want to see what I knew was there , I don't know ... but -hic- , he must have -sob- been carrying that with him for so -sniff- long and then -hic- when he actually DID -sob- tell me I just threw it back -hic- into his face and I can't beleive I actually DID that ... "  
Tai pushed himself away from Joe for a second , his shaking hands gripping hold of Joe's shoulders . Joe winced , but didn't say anything to Tai .  
" ... Tai ... "  
" Joe , I SLAPPED him ... I haven't even seen Matt since then , the last time I saw my best friend , I slapped him ... because I wasn't expecting him to say that ... maybe I was just shocked . I think I must have been . But I ... I acted so terribly , I mean ... I didn't just slap him . That's not the only thing . I might not feel so bad if that had been ALL that I'd done ... but ... I looked at him so awfully ... I can still see it in my head , I can still see that very image of him , just after I'd slapped him ... he looked so shocked , so hurt , so confused ... I think ... he looked ... exactly how I felt ... but I didn't want to tell him that , I just ... "  
Tai waved his arms around wildly .  
" .. Oh , I DON'T KNOW !!! I just acted without thinking like I always did !! I'm no different to how I was four , five years ago . I'm even worse than I was then . If it had been me saying that and Matt listening , then Matt ... he'd have understood . He wouldn't have slapped me , he wouldn't have scowled , he wouldn't have walked off without saying a word ... he'd have understood , he'd have cared , we'd have talked about it for a bit , working it out peice by peice .. "  
A silence followed .  
Joe opened his mouth to say something again , then closed his mouth .  
He looked away from Tai for a second , and brought a hand up to his chest .  
" .. Tai ? "  
" Yeah ? "  
" ... You really care for Matt , don't you ? "  
" He's my best friend , and I've put him in danger . I feel like total and utter crap ... how could I have DONE such a dumb thing ?! "  
" I don't mean like that , Tai !! "  
Tai quickly looked over at Joe .  
Suddenly , the older boy's tone had become a little more sharper .. Joe was asking a question , and he wanted an answer .  
" Tai , tell me the truth . Yes , I know you care about him as a friend , we all do , all of us . But ... I mean , deeper than that . "  
" ..... "  
" You know what I mean . "  
" ..... "  
" Tai , SAY SOMETHING !!! "  
" I don't know how I feel . There's nothing but pain here ... "  
Tai put his hand up to his heart , and sighed .  
" ... Nothing but pain ... I'm sure Matt felt pain . I just know that he did . I ... "  
Joe looked at Tai , a steely look in his eyes . He sighed softly , and the look on his face became less demanding .  
" I can't make you say it , I suppose . But say that Matt is in there , and he's not dead - it could be something we have to admit , but it's not the only scenario , Tai . If he's in there , what are you going to do ? "  
" I'm going to apologize . I don't know how I feel about Matt , but I DO know that I still want to be his good friend . His best friend . The friendship we shared before . Even better than that , I want us to be better than that ... I don't want anything like this to happen , I want us to share everything ... I don't want to leave his side , I want to make sure that he'll be okay ... "  
Tai had been staring at a space just to the left of Joe's feet , a small square of carpet .  
He looked up at Joe .  
" ... Joe ? "  
Joe nodded .  
" Yes ? "  
" I love him . "  
" Oh , Tai ... "  
" I love him . I love Matt , and I wanna make sure that nothing bad ever happens to him again ... "  
Tai turned around back to the door , hand on the doorknob once more .  
He spoke with a new determination in his voice , even though the tears hadn't yet stopped .  
" ... that is ... if nothing bad's happened already ... "  
Tai rattled at the handle .  
" Shit , Joe , IT'S NOT OPENING !!! "  
Joe relaxed his features into a slightly sardonic look .  
" Try turning it the other way . "  
Tai blinked , and tried that . The door opened with a comftable click .  
" Oh , right ... thanks , Joe . "  
Joe looked at Tai with a look of easy disbelivement . Trust Tai .  
" No problem , Tai . "  
The door stayed open at two inches for a full minute . A full minute where no-one said or did anything . Nothing happened outside of the room , and nothing happened inside of the room .  
Tai was the first to speak .  
" I feel a breeze . He must have opened the window . It's dark in there . "  
Tai blinked once more .  
" WHAT IF HE'S THROWN HIMSELF OFF THE BALCONY ?!? "  
" Well , GO IN AND FIND OUT !!! "  
" .... Right ... okay , one , two , three , this-is-the-way-that-things must-be ... "  
Holding his breath , his heart pounding in his chest , his mind pounding in his head , Tai slowly pushed the door open . It swung open easily enough .  
" It's still dark in here ... "  
Tai slowly ventured into the room . Even though the sun was quite risen in the sky , the room was still dark . The curtains were pulled over from the door that lead to the balcony , but light occasionally filtered into the room from the light material gently fluttering in the breeze .  
" ... Joe , find a lightswitch for me , please ? "  
" Sure . "  
Tai stood in the middle of the room , just staring at the balcony entrance for a moment .  
" I've got to .. "  
He ran onto the balcony , thundering through the curtains . He stopped himself , grappling onto the surrounding banister , steeling himself for the worst ...  
" ... Nothing ... he didn't throw himself off the balcony , then . "  
Tai sighed a gentle sigh of immense releif .  
Steeling himself up once more , he turned back to face the room , seeing now that Joe had turned the light on in there .  
For a second , he contemplated staying out on the balcony for a while .  
If he stayed on the balcony , it meant that he didn't have to go into Matt's room , which meant that Matt could still be in there if he wished hard enough ...  
" I just don't want my dreams to be shattered ... "  
The wind blew Tai's hair around .  
He sighed , then caught the sound of Joe's voice .  
" ... Tai ?? You'd ... better come have a look at this ... "  
" -Ohno- ... "  
Tai whispered urgently to himself . It was like an ice arrow had hit him in the chest ... the worry quickened his pulse , made it feel like a drill was thundering it's way through his head ....  
He gulped , breaking out in a cold sweat , breathing - more like panting - heavily , not wanting to go into that room , not wanting to face whatever was in there , not wanting to know what had happened to Matt , just in case -  
Shutting his thoughts off for a moment , Tai decided that he couldn't wait outside forever . Parting the curtains gently , Tai retreated back into the room , his eyes immediatly darting to Matt's bed , almost seeing an apparition of his friend lying there , Joe sitting on the bed next to him ...  
It brought him to his senses a little when he realised that only Joe was in the room . Joe , and a peice of paper .  
Joe was scanning it over . He noticed that Tai had come into the room , and passed the peice of paper over to Tai .  
" ... I think you should take a look at that . It seems to be addressed to you , in a way ... "  
Tai's heart was in his throat as he started reading out loud .  
" ... 'You rejected me ... You didn't need to . It wasn't neccisary' , spelt wrong ... ' What was the point ? Dammit .. Tai .. I .. told you how much I loved you .. I told you .. poured .. heart out .. holding .. fragile shards ... hope .. "  
Tai was shocked into sudden silence . Joe watched , his heart going out to Tai as he carried on reading the letter . The look on his face made Joe's heart quail just to see it ... it started off as a kind of morbid curiosity , which turned to shock ... Tai's tears started again . He held the paper just centimeters away from his face , as if the paper was Matt itself ...  
" Tai , I'm ... sorry ... I ... how far have you got ? "  
" ... 'The way I kept you still , had YOU trapped for the moment , the way the tears sparkled in my eyes , the way my breathing was short and sharp' ... good god , I remember all of this . Like it only just happened yesterday ... but this time , it's from HIS point of veiw .. I hardly remember what I felt . I just couldn't beleive it at the time , I suppose ... "  
Tai trailed out again , and resumed reading . Joe didn't continue his sentance , just bringing one clenched hand up to his face , cupping his chin with his thumb , resting his forefinger beneath his nose , eyes closed , waiting for Tai to finish reading the letter , for him to get to the part that ...  
Joe just knew that Tai would do something drastic once the end of the letter came .  
Almost aimlessly , Tai wandered past Joe , still engrossed in the letter . Joe didn't notice until Tai was past him .  
" Tai , whereya going ? "  
" Lounge ... need to sit down ... "  
Joe nodded , understanding . Once he saw that Tai was sat down , he walked through to the lounge himself . He picked a chair that was more or less opposite from Tai , and sat there .  
He leaned forward , elbows leant against the table , fingers caged , head leaning against fingers .  
He spoke , a little subdued , a little muffled .  
" Where are you now ? "  
There was a long pause . Joe came to the conclusion that Tai hadn't actually heard him .  
After a longer while , Joe found his current position uncomftable , and leant back into the softness of the chair .  
" ... Tai ? "  
" Nn ? "  
" Where are you right now ? "  
Tai followed his line of sight with his finger , giving Joe a vague clue of where it was that he had read to .  
" Ah .. "  
Again , a long silence followed . Joe looked around the room ... he noticed a calander up in the corner of the room . He looked over at Tai , who was still engrossed in the letter . He figured that it wouldn't hurt to go over and take a peek at the calander .  
He got up from the chair , and took a look at it . It had some girls from some anime on it . Joe didn't know the anime , so he skipped over that detail , and glanced down at the actual calander part . There were various dates written on it , Joe quietly read them out .  
" '...Practice with the band' ... 'Gig at the Hall' ... oh , I remember that one . Tai liked that one , I remember . "  
The next one was scrawled a little more haphazardly .  
" 'Tai-park-soccer-lunchtime' ... Tai musta phoned him for THAT one . What next ? 'Tea w/TK' ... oh yeah , that was the time Matt decided to treat TK to dinner that time , so he couldn't come out with us .. "  
Suddenly , an idea dawned to Joe .  
" Maybe .. "  
He put his finger on the date he'd been looking at , and traced it to the current date .  
He moved his finger so he could see the neatly-written entry there .  
" ... Airplane at Odaiba Terminal ... 1pm ... "  
Joe fitted the peices of information together in his mind . He quickly brought his wrist up to his face , checking out the time .  
" Five to twelve ... there's still time if - "  
" NO !!!! MATT !!! "  
The tearful cry reached Joe's ears .  
" ... He's read it . Taiii , you okay ? "  
Joe turned around to look at Tai . The peice of paper was on the floor and Tai was standing above it , looking as if someone had just shot him in the heart .  
To Tai , that was prehaps what it felt like .. he looked so shocked , Joe didn't know what to say .  
" ... Tai ? "  
" NO !! HE - "  
Tai was starting to hyperventilate again . The pounding in his head had now reached ultimate , the tears were uncontrollable , and all that Tai wanted to do was sit down and cry .  
" Tai , I'll drive you to the airport . It says on there that Matt's flight doesn't leave for another hour yet ... we aren't so far away from the terminal . I'll get you there . "  
" You drive ? "  
" I've been taking lessons with my brother . "  
Tai looked at Joe . He looked down at the paper , and then bent down and picked it up .  
He looked back at Joe .  
" ... Joe ... "  
" Yeah ? "  
" ... Thanks ... for everything . "  
Joe smiled a warm smile .  
" It's okay . "  
He rushed to the front door .  
" Now , I thiiiink we're in a leetle bit of a hurry , right ? "  
" RIGHT !! "  
Joe only just managed to open the door in time before Tai barraged through it .  
" WHERE'S THE CAR ? "  
" It's down the road , I parked it there to meet you here !! Oh , you can't hear me ... damn , can't he slow down ? "  
Joe leapt out of the door , and chased Tai down the road .  
  
****  
  
Joe sped down the road as fast as the local speed limit would allow , but Tai still wasn't happy about that .  
" Dammit Joe , can't this thing go any FASTER ? "  
" Any faster , and we're going to be spending the night in jail , and then we'd never catch up with Matt . Happy ? "  
" Not delirious , no . I can't see any policemen !! "  
" They have those camera things on top of lamp-posts and stuff . My brother always waves at them . You never see them until you've passed them .. "  
" Oh , I can't STAND THIS !! I'll turn the radio on ... "  
" Sure . "  
Tai reached forward , and turned the little dial . Rather than music , the radio was airing a news report that especially caught the attention of the two boys .  
" ... And Yamato Ishida , budding pop-star from here in Odaiba , is reported to be on his way to America right now !! Taking his band with him , the crowds gathering at Odaiba airport are staggering . And even more than usual , due to the amazing amount of young fans who want to see just a glimpse of Yamato Ishida ... and the Teenage Wolves . "  
" DAMMIT JOE , STEP ON IT !! Did you hear that ? SHIT , he's going to be surrounded in SO much security , we're gonna be lucky to see his suitcases go by ... "  
" Right !! "  
Seeming to forget what he's just said , Joe sped up a little .  
" We've got to get there got to get there got to get there , ah , here we areeohcrap .. "  
Joe slowed to a crawl , causing the car behind him to sound the horn in sudden annoyance .  
" The crowds ... I don't think he even had crowds like that at his big sell-out concert thing .. I know , I was there .. Joe , how are we going to get in ? "  
Joe turned into the airport carpark . A sudden smirk dawned on his face .  
" I think ... I have an idea . "  
" ? "  
  
****  
  
" I really shouldn't come to you for ideas , Joe . "  
" Hey , it's better than crawling through millions of screaming teenage girls , isn't it ? Do you WANT to bump into June Motomiya ? "  
Tai shuddered , almost involiterily .  
" Beehhh ... NOIDONOTTHANKYOUVERYMUCH . "  
" Well then . "  
" But .. the FIRE ESCAPE ? Isn't that a bit of an anti-climax ? "  
" Hey , we've got to bump into Matt eventually . I mean , if he's under top security and stuff ... well , I don't know , but we'll find him . Don't worry , I'm the reliable one , remember ? "  
Tai paused for a moment , looking at Joe .  
For the first time that day , a warm smile overcame Tai .  
" Sure are !! And I'm the couragous one , so I'M going first !! Mwee hee !! "  
" TAI !! "  
Before Joe could stop him , Tai was thundering along the corridor , shooting up dark flights of steps ...  
Eventually , after quite a few flights of steps , Tai encountered a door .  
" Hey .. do you dare that I open it ? "  
" ... You think we should ? "  
Tai looked around and motioned at their surroundings .  
" Look ... this corridor's a lot better than the other ones . It's got lights and white paint and red doors and stuff . It makes sense that this is somewhere pretty high up , because A: , we've been climbing for almost twenty minutes , and B: , have you seen the veiw out of that window there ? "  
Joe marvelled at the fact that Tai seemed to have gotten over his sudden hysterics ... he was reassured to see the leading figure of Tai emerge once more , and he seemed so much more confident now ...  
Joe glanced out of the window .  
" CRAP !! Oh , oh man !! We're REALLY high !! I think ? I .. don't think I like hights ... "  
" Oh , snap out of it . Like it or not , I'm going through . Wish me luck , Joe !! "  
" Eh , good luck ? "  
" Thanks for the support , heh . "  
Quickly but quietly , Tai opened the door ... he peered out into the corridor before tiptoeing out into it .  
He turned back to face Joe .  
" Looks like the coast is clear ... "  
Joe nodded , and followed Tai out .  
Tai realised that he was still gripping hold tightly of Matt's letter . Smiling softly , he folded it up , and tucked it into one pocket .  
" Matt ... it's not too late , we're coming to getcha . I promise that . And .. I'll apologise ... "  
Tai was silenced by Joe whapping his hand around Tai's mouth . Tai blinked in confusion , but understood once Joe whispered one word .  
" Voices !! "  
" .... "  
The two boys stopped stock-still , listening to the voices .  
They sounded vaguely familiar .  
" ... Dammit , where is he ? He said he was going to the bathroom , sure ... that was like , ten minutes ago !! "  
" ... Maybe he's doing his hair ? "  
" Great timing . Good thing we got here earlier . "  
" Oi , you . Go look down the corridor , see if he's coming . "  
" Sure !! "  
Joe slowly withdrew his hand from Tai's mouth .  
The two boys looked at each other , joy dawning on their faces . They whispered , excitement filling their voices , but still whispering .  
" That - "  
" Was - "  
" The - "  
" Guys !! "  
Tai and Joe held hands and jumped up and down in an overly shoujo way for a couple of seconds before something seemed to hit their realisations at the same time .  
" Hey , Joe .. "  
" Yeah ? "  
" ... Didn't one of the Teenage Wolf guys tell one of the other guys to look down the corridor ? "  
" Yeah ? "  
" Like , um , THIS corridor ? "  
" Ah , yeah , I think . "  
They blinked at each other for a second , before gasping , both trying to figure out what to do .  
Joe grabbed hold of Tai's hand , and quickly shot off down the corridor , catching Tai by surprise .  
" ERK ? "  
" Well , we've gotta get away , haven't we ? "  
Tai didn't quite see the logic in that statement . If Matt was only in the bathroom - provided that it WAS Matt they were talking about - , then shouldn't they wait with the rest of the band for him to get back ?  
Tai voiced that to Joe .  
" ... besides , it's not like we don't KNOW them already , is it ? "  
" Just follow me . I've got a good feeling about this . ARGH !! "  
Joe hadn't actually been watching where he'd been running for the moment ; he'd been looking at Tai , trying to reassure him .  
The ARGH!! part was from where Joe ran into someone , due to the fact that he hadn't been watching where he should be going . Before Joe and Tai could stop themselves , Joe tripped head over heels , dragging the stranger and Tai with him .  
However , the 'stranger' had an awfully familiar voice .  
" OW !! Dammit , get offa me !! I just did my hair , I need to hu- "  
Matt scurried out from underneath the small pile that had abruptly risen .  
" Joe ?! What are you doing here ? "  
" I'm just the chaffeur . Someone else wanted to see you . "  
" ... ? "  
Joe stepped aside , revealing a tearful , bashful , but more pleased than anything else Taichi Kamiya .  
" ... Matt ? "  
Matt looked like he was facing a ghost . There was shock in his suddenly tearful eyes . There was shock all over his face . His jaw shook slightly , one arm dropped to his side , while one came up to his face . He bit one finger , not entirely sure what to say for a second or two .  
He gulped , and took a step forward . His mouth opened , but nothing came out .  
Matt blinked rapidly , clearing his vision from the tears that threatened to cloud his sight .  
" T-T-Tai ? "  
Tai smiled softly .  
" Yeah , it's me . I .. I just wanted to say ... "  
Tai reached into his pocket , and drew out the letter . He held it , folded up , to his heart for a moment . He then threw it over his shoulder , and smiled , a little ruefully .  
" ... I'm sorry . I ... I overreacted back then . I was really mean to you , and I ... I can't beleive I acted that way , not to one of my closest friends . I guess I was more shocked than anything else . But I was just totally out of order ... you told me something really close to your heart , and ... I just threw it back at you . "  
Tai brought one hand out , and held it in front of his face , studying it closely .  
" ... I even slapped you ... that ... THAT was uncalled for . I shouldn't have done that , that ... that was just something I shouldn't have done . "  
Tai put his hand out in front of Matt .  
" Friends ? "  
Matt looked down at Tai's hand . Then up at Tai . He looked him in the eyes for a moment . This time , a tear or two did fall from Matt's eyes .  
" .... You mean it ? "  
" More than anything else . I just want to be friends with you again , you're the best friend that I've ... that ANYONE could ever have , and I ... I was stupid to let that one go . Let's hope that's the only time that we fall out . "  
" You forgive me ? "  
" Hey , there's nothing TO forgive . I was the one who acted badly . "  
There was a pause . Matt bitt his lip , before standing forward , grasping Tai's hand in both of his .  
" Tai , I'm so ... I can't beleive it !! I thought .. I thought I'd never see you again ... "  
Tai smiled softly , turning his head to the side a little , eyes closing in his happy smile .  
" I was so worried about you . "  
Matt looked serious , Tai looked him in the eyes .  
" ... You were worried ? About me ? "  
" Yeah ... me and Joe went to your place earlier this morning , and I was so worried that you'd done something ... well ... "  
" Killed myself ? "  
" .... Well , yeah ... "  
Tai blushed a little bit , Matt smiled slightly sadly .  
" The thought crossed my mind . But I just ... I couldn't bring myself to do it . I mean , I know I went on in that letter - I did that yesterday - about how I'd lost all hope and all of that kind of thing , but , really , I couldn't give up hope .. I just hoped that just this kind of thing would happen . That you'd show up , that we'd be friends again , well , you know , you read the letter . If I killed myself , then all hope would have truely have been destroyed ... we'd never have had a chance then . "  
Matt smiled at Tai .  
Then , suddenly , he realised what he'd said .  
" ... 'We' ... I guess ... well , I know you still wanna be friends . I wouldn't want to wreck that or anything , so if you want , I'll just forget what I said ... I mean , it might pass . I still ... feel that way , like I said before , but ... as I said , if you're willing to still be friends , then I still want to be . And I wouldn't want to do anything to endanger that .. "  
" It's okay . "  
" .. I mean , I know we're friends , bu- "  
Matt blinked at the smiling form of Tai .  
He frowned , not really understanding for a moment .  
" Tai , did you - "  
" It's okay , really it is . "  
Tai opened his eyes , and smiled at Matt . The smile melted a little , to be replaced by a more serious look .  
Tai sighed , and stepped closer to Matt . Joe seemed to have been forgotton somewhere along the way , neither of the boys seemed to realise that Matt's band was just further up the corridor , either .  
" Look ... you didn't see me and Joe when we were looking in your apartment . But ... well ... I guess that's the closest to insane that I've ever been . I mean ... I was just so scared to go into your room , scared to go in there and find you ... find you dead , or something .. I was so scared of that .. for a moment , I thought you'd taken a one-way trip off the balcony , even !! And .. I realised that , while we were looking ... "  
A large blush , as bright and radiant as Mimi's hairdye spread across the bridge of Tai's nose as well as his cheeks .  
Tai looked away from Matt , looking at the carpet a little away from Matt's feet .  
Tai faultered for a few moments , realising that his hands were still entwined with Matt's hands ...  
" ... I ... realised when we were looking that ... I ... I ... "  
He seemed to get a boost of courage from somewhere , and looked Matt in the eyes .  
" ... I realised that ... I love you too . With all of my heart . My life would be empty without you ... just the idea of losing you scares me to hell , as Joe would be able to testify for . "  
" You love me too ? "  
" Yes . "  
There was a slight pause where no-one said anything . Tai looked at Matt , Matt looked at Tai , Joe looked at the both of them .  
Suddenly , Matt broke his grip from Tai's hands , and wrapped Tai in a loving , warm bear-hug .  
" Oh , TAI !! You won't beleive the feeling I get , hearing those words come out of your mouth ... "  
" I just feel happy seeing you happy again , Matt ... you forgive me for what I did ? "  
" Everything's forgiven . "  
For a second , the two boys just stayed in the hug , Matt's head nestled in the curve of Tai's neck , arms looped around each other .  
" Tai ... "  
" Mmmn ? "  
" I love you . "  
" I know you do ... that's what started this all off , of course . But this time , I love you to ... and no-one's going to be slapping anyone , okay ? "  
" Exept the fangirls , when they find out about this . "  
Tai frowned a happy-but-confused frown .  
" Whaddaya mean ? They won't find out for AGES . "  
" Oh , you didn't see ? "  
" What ? "  
Matt pulled away a little , and pointed to the previously un-noticed gigantic plate-glass window . It went along for the whole corridor , meaning that anything that happened in the corridor would be witnessed by any onlookers outside . It was so high up that one'd need binoculars to see anything really , but it didn't take binoculars for Tai to notice the hoards of fangirls gathered on the ground down below .  
" ...... Oh , um .... whoops ... "  
Tai sweatdropped , Matt grinned a somewhat evil grin .  
" Hey , does it matter ? If they want to watch , well , we'll give them something to look at . Come here . "  
" Mnh-FFGHL !! "  
Tai looked at Matt in confusion for a moment , only to have his chin grabbed by Matt , the back of his head grabbed by one of Matt's hands , and to suddenly be pushed forward into the welcome embrace of Matt .  
Tai blinked , realising that he was kissing Matt ... he hadn't quite expected that , and wasn't sure how to react for a moment . He considered pushing Matt away for the moment , then thought that that might not be the best thing to do , so he decided 'what the hell' , and immersed himself fully into Matt's embrace .  
Joe just stood a little way off , sweatdropping .  
" Um , uh , hasn't someone forgotton something ? "  
The two boys paused for a moment , and Matt pulled away slightly .  
" What is it ? "  
" Well ... don't you have some gig or something coming up ? "  
Matt blushed a little .  
" Well , there's no GIG as such ... I just figured that I couldn't stay in Odaiba anymore ... America seemed as good a place as any . And if I managed to break out in the US , well , that's a bonus ... "  
" And what about plane tickets ? "  
" What about them ? "  
" Well , I was thinking that you don't really have a reason to go to the US anymore , so you'd be staying ... but what're ya gonna do with those tickets ? "  
" Oh , I don't know , give 'em to Yolei or something , give her a chance to visit Mimi . Since it was a band thing , we didn't have to pay for our tickets . Someone somewhere did I guess , but let's let THEM sort it out . "  
Tai smiled at Matt , tears in his eyes .  
" So you don't have to leave ? "  
" Hey , you were the reason I was leaving in the first place , and , well .. that situation's sorted itself out now , hasn't it ? "  
" Yeah ... you ... you're sure that there's no gig or anything ? "  
" Definetly sure . "  
Matt pulled himself off of Tai's embrace . Tai looked at Matt , a confused look on his face .  
" Whereya going ? "  
" Gotta go tell the guys about the change of plans . I doon't think they'll be pleased with me , somehow ... Joe , you'd better go and start the car up . Tai , you go with him . I'll be with ya soon enough ... you came in by the fire exit , right ? "  
" How did you know ? "  
" Well , you couldn't have come in through the front exit , that's for sure . Too much security , and all of that ... "  
Tai grinned .  
" Well , yeah , we came in the fire exit . Even though Joe thought it a bit of an anticlimax . "  
Matt started walking the direction of the rest of his band . He turned his head round , and grinned at the other two .  
" Well , it's always what they do in all the dramas and stuff , isn't it ? "  
" Heh , yeah . "  
Matt turned back around . Joe looked down at Tai .  
" You think we should get going ? "  
Tai looked down for a moment .  
" I don't know .. "  
" What do you mean , 'I don't know ..' !? You heard what Matt said ! We gotta get going , and fast !! "  
" I know , but ... what if he doesn't come back ? "  
Joe growled , ran behind Tai , and started pushing him down the fire escape .  
" Matt said he'd come , he's going to come . Or is it just that you don't beleive him ?? "  
" Matt's so beautiful ... "  
Joe facevaulted .  
" Euh , better late than never , I guess . Come on , we gotta get going !! "  
" Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuhs ... "  
" Don't flip out again ... "  
" Matt's so beautiful ... "  
Joe sighed to himself . Tai seemed to be getting tied up in the moment quite some .  
  
****  
  
Back at Joe's car .  
Joe was sitting in the drivers seat , while Tai sat in one of the twin rear passanger seats .  
Tai leant back , a slightly bored look on his face . He spread his arms out , taking over the second passanger seat .  
" You sure he's coming ? "  
" For the thirtieth time in three minutes , YES TAI , I'M SURE . After all of that stuff that happened , he's not gonna just shoot off to America again . "  
" Again ? When did he LAST go to America ? "  
" Don't mind me , I'm just going to go quietly insane . "  
Tai sighed , and looked thoughtfully out of a window .  
" Yeah , you do that . "  
" TAAAAIIIII !! "  
" Hm ? "  
Tai looked around him .  
He saw Matt coming out of the opposite window to him . Joy flowing from his heart , he pushed the door open .  
" MATT !! "  
Matt jumped in . He was panting , like he'd been running .  
" Whew !! Now THAT was an ordeal and a half . "  
Tai leant his head on one of the hands that was leaning against the back shelf of Joe's car .  
" What happened ? "  
The engine revved up , and Tai and Matt felt the car suddenly go . Joe grinned , looking in the rear veiw window at his two passangers .  
" We're off and running !! So , yeah , what happened there , Matt ? You took quite a while ... "  
" Well , I didn't take as long as I thought I would ... but let's just say that once word gets out that I'm not in that building anymore , there might just be a small-scale apocalypse in that place ... I told the guys , then I jetted out of there . One of them's gonna tell some guy , who'll tell other people , who'll tell other people ... and by the time it gets around that whole place , we're gonna be back home . Fun , huh ? "  
" Sounds it . So , you think that .... "  
Tai trailed off , blushing slightly . Matt turned his head a little to glance at Tai .  
" What ? "  
" Well ... you think that ... we can REALLY make a go of things ? "   
Matt shrugged , smiling , turning to look back at the empty seat in front of him .  
" Who knows ? Still , it'll be an awful lot of fun finding out , won't it ? "  
" Yeah . I'm just glad that things turned out like they did . "  
" Same here ... "  
Tai grinned .  
" Hey , Joe ? "  
" Mmmn ? "  
" What about you ? "  
" What about me ? "  
" Are YOU glad that things turned out like they did ? "  
Tai and Matt saw Joe grin from their veiw of the rear veiw mirror .  
" Sure I am !! You two managed to get back together , even closer than before . You managed to overcome all of that stuff ... besides , it's cuuuuuuuuuuuute !! "  
Tai and Matt sweatdropped .  
" Cute ?! "  
" Cute !? "  
Joe then sweatdropped .  
" Uh , did I say 'cute' ? I meant 'wonderful' as in wonderful for the both of you . Really I did . "  
Tai giggled , and shifted in his seat so he was a little closer to Matt .  
" I beleive ya , Joe . Besides , Matt IS cute !! "  
He draped the hand that had been against the back of the car over Matt's shoulders . Matt noticed , and smiled at Tai .  
" And soooooooo's ickle Tai . "  
Matt blinked .  
" ... But if Joe thought that , then I'd have to hit him ... "  
" Heh , there's no worry about THAT . Tai's a friend , that's all . Nah , there's someone ELSE who *I* like . "  
Tai and Matt stopped looking at each other for a moment to look over at their now madly-blushing driver .  
Matt grinned .  
" OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !! Joooooooooeeeeeeee's in luuuuuuuuuuv !! Hee .. Hehehehhehehehehehehheheheheh ... so , who's the lucky girl , Joe ? Is it Sora ? Or Mimi ? Or Kari ? "  
Tai glanced at Matt , a 'what the hell ?' look on his face . Matt didn't notice , and carried on .  
" ... oooorrr .... uhh ... June ? 'Course you'd have to be partially insane to think of HER in that way , but eh , if you do then we won't argue , might get her offa my back for three days . Ehh , who else do we know , Tai ? "  
Tai blinked , thrown out of his thoughts for a second .  
" Euh , uh ? Uh .. hmm ... Yolei ? "  
" Oh yeah , I forgot about her . What about it Joe ? Do you luuuuuuuuuv Yolei ? "  
" NO !! It's none of them !! Can we just drop the subject , please ? "  
Matt was still grinning like a cheshire cat . He leant back against his car seat .  
" Sure , we'll drop it ... for now . "  
Tai nodded .  
" Yeah .. but we'll get it out of ya one of these days !! Oh yes , it can be our mission , huh Matt ? "  
" Yeah !! "  
Matt and Tai grinned at each other for a few seconds while Joe tried to regain any shreds of self respect , and more importantly , his normal skin colour .  
Busy as he was concentrating on driving , Joe didn't notice the unfolding drama in the back seat .  
The grins now gone from their faces , Matt and Tai were now staring intently into each other's eyes .  
Matt smiled softly , and took Tai's chin in his hand .  
" Tai ... "  
Tai noticed absent-mindedly that his heart was beating a lot faster than it had been a few seconds ago .  
" Yeah , Matt ? "  
Matt slowly leant in , a calm look reflecting from his eyes .  
" ... it's nothing ... just some unfinished business , that's all . "  
" Ah .. "  
With that , Matt closed his eyes , and leant in the full way .  
For a while , the two boys just stayed like that , gently kissing , Tai running his hand abstractly through Matt's hair , Matt grasping the back of Tai's head ... after a while though , Matt decided to step up the action a little . He let his mouth wander from Tai's mouth down to his chin , to his neck , covering all that he found in small , loving kisses .  
Tai moaned quietly .  
" Oooaahh .. {damnit , and I nearly lost Matt 'cause I didn't want this to happen ? I musta been mad !!} ... Matttttt ... "  
Matt was too busy to reply , however . His hair was tickling at Tai's cheek as he became aquainted with the curve of Tai's neck . Tai gripped the seat cushion beneath him , eyes closing in quiet joy .  
He felt Matt's hand at his chest , and opened an eye , curious . Matt was starting to undo the buttons on Tai's coat . Tai's hand wandered up to join him , unlooping the scarf from his neck , pulling it down , letting it fall to the floor .  
The coat was next , it was almost harshly pulled from Tai's shoulders , falling into a slight heap behind the two of them . Tai put his hand over Matt's , and guided it down to his hip , where Matt took the initiative . He pushed his hand slightly under Tai's shirt , teasing Tai by only slowly running his hand over the soft flesh that he found there . Tai felt a pang of electricity as he felt Matt's cold hand come into contact with his naked body - well , naked underneath his clothes , that is - , and the hand that was around Matt's neck pulled him a little closer .  
Matt pulled away from Tai's neck a little , and pushed his hand up , and Tai realised what Matt wanted . Seeming to forget that they were in the back of Joe's car and that they could drive by just about anyone they knew as they started to close into their region of Odaiba , the two of them worked to pull Tai's shirt off .  
The two of them silently fought against the cloth for a moment , before it flew off , hitting the other passanger seat head . It made a slight 'whap' noise , before floating down to the leg compartment of Matt's seat .  
Tai looked at Matt , relishing the position that they'd found themselves in . While wrestling against Tai's shirt , somehow , Tai had ended up more or less directly undeneath Matt's body .  
Tai smiled , looped his hands around Matt's neck , and pulled the blonde down for some more sweet kisses .  
" Uh , if you two could stop screwing for a couple of seconds , we're home at last . And , oh look , here comes Izzy . He must have seen us , I told him I was coming over to find you , Matt ... "  
Tai and Matt shot back up into sitting positions , Matt hitting his head on the roof of the car .  
" ARGH !! *Bamph* Owwwwwwww .... dammit Tai , put yer shirt back on ! "  
Joe smirked slightly .  
" Darnit , how far did you two GO while I was driving ? "  
Tai rescued his shirt from underneath Matt's right leg , and held it close to him for a moment before actually attempting to put it on .  
" Uh , you know , just , uh , heavy petting and all of that .. "  
Matt grinned , blushed , and sweatdropped .  
" Yeah , you know how it is . "  
Tai pulled his shirt back on just as Izzy approached the car . Joe wound down his window .  
" Hey Izzy . "  
" Hi Joe !! I see you found Matt , then ? "  
" Yeah , panic over . "  
" That's good . You sounded really worried in that email you sent me !! "  
Matt and Tai glanced at each other , puzzled .  
" Well , yeah , I WAS pretty worried . Tai phoned me in a bit of a hyper fit telling me what happened ... "  
" Ahh , you'll have to tell me aaaaaallll about it . Come over to my place in halfanhour ? "  
" Sure . "  
" Mmn !! "  
Izzy nodded , smiling , and walked off .  
Joe watched him for a second .  
" Yey ! "  
Again , Matt and Tai glanced at each other , puzzled . Joe smiled at the two of them .  
" Matt , you can get out now . Tai , if you want , I can drive you to your place , even though it's not so far away ... "  
Tai didn't seem to have heard Joe , however . Matt jumped out of the car , dragging Tai's coat and scarf with him .  
Tai got out too , and leant over the top of Joe's car , grinning over at Matt .  
" Hey , I seem to recall that someone's dad just happens to be out of town for the week .. "  
Matt blinked at Tai , confused for half a second . He suddenly recalled what Tai was on about , and grinned .  
" Oh yeah !! So , while he's away , d'ya wanna come over ? Hell , you can even stop the night if you want to . "  
" THAT sounds like a fun idea ... "  
Matt grinned devilishly .  
" Oh yeah . "  
Joe growled slightly to himself , and hopped out of the car .  
" Hey Tai , are you getting back in or what ? "  
" Nah , I'm staying over at Matt's for a little while . "  
Joe blinked at the two of them .  
" Ohhhh , *I SEE* . "  
Joe grinned , and opened his door again .  
" Well , you two have fun . I gotta date with Izzy to remember . "  
He jumped back into the car , and started the engine up again .  
" Seeya !! "  
Matt and Tai stopped and stared at Joe's car drove off .  
Matt blinked , and Tai was the first to speak .  
" .... a date .... "  
" .... with Izzy ?? "  
The two boys looked at each other .  
Matt smiled slightly .  
" Hey , you know when Joe said that he *liked* someone ? "  
" Yeah ? "  
" And he said that it wasn't anyone that we'd mentioned ? "  
" Yeah ? "  
" Well , we didn't mention Izzy , did we ? "  
Tai snatched his coat off from Matt , and put it back on . He stuffed his scarf into his pocket , and wrinkled his nose .  
" Y'think ? Joe and Izzy ? I dunno , I don't really see that happening if you ask me .. "  
" Oh , who knows ? *I* think they make a cute couple , hee . I guess we'll all find out soon enough , anyway . I wonder if we put Joe in an amourous mood ? Anyway ... care to join me ? "  
Matt stuck his elbow out at Tai . Tai grinned joyfully , and linked arms .  
" Aahhh , I'm sooooo happy , Matt . "  
" Same here , Tai . "  
There was a pause as the two of them approached Matt's front door .  
" Just ... two things . "  
" What is it ? "  
Tai sweatdropped .  
" Do ya think anyone'll find that note ? You know , the letter you wrote me ? I sorta dropped it back at the airport . "  
" GAHK !! Idiot !! You shoulda ripped it up or something !! "  
" Sowwy .. "  
" Oh , it's okay . But for a punishment ... LEMME GIVE YA A BIG OL BEAR HUG !! "  
Matt caught Tai totally by surprise , as suddenly all the air was expelled from his lungs .  
" WHOOMPH !! Gah , Matt , you gotta WARN me before you do something like that !! "  
" Hehe , it's the surprise on your face that makes it worth it . So , anyway , coming inside ? It might be a bit messy .. "  
" I know , I was in here this morning . "  
" Ah , I forgot that . "  
Matt unlocked Tai from the bear hug , and wandered into the house . Tai followed him , and Matt shut the door .  
Tai flopped down on the sofa .  
" Man .. today's been an unbeleivable day , yeah ? "  
Matt took a running jump , and bounced onto one of the chairs near where Tai was lounging .  
" Yeah ... "  
" But you know the most unbeleivable thing ? "  
" What's that ? "  
There was a quiet pause , as Tai stared at Matt .  
Suddenly , his face wrinkled into a disgusted wince .  
" I CAN'T BELEIVE WE MADE OUT IN THE BACK OF JOE'S CAR !! GEUHK !! I mean , JOE was there and everything !! "  
Matt burst out into laughter , reclining on the chair .  
" Well , I guess that's what you get for acting on impulse , heh . You think he was watching us ? "  
" He was driving . "  
" Yeah , but still ... "  
" Matt , I don't even want to THINK about that . Eww , you think Joe's a closet pervert ? "  
" Joe may be many things , but closet pervert is NOT one of them . I don't think ... ? We'll haveta ask Izzy when we next see him , heh . "  
Tai grinned over at Matt .  
" Yeah .. we'll have to ask Joe about that one . 'Oh , hey , Joe , do you fancy IZZY ???' ... that'll go down well , I think . Should be fun asking him , tho . "  
Matt jumped up from his chair .  
" So , what about lunch ? Or ... "  
Matt glanced at his wristwatch .  
" ... yeah , lunch . Well , it's sort of halfway between lunch and dinner , so I guess we can either have dinner or a really big lunch . Whaddaya feel like having ? "  
" What is there ? "  
" Ah ... I haven't a clue . Shopping's not my strong point ... I tend to get glomped by rabid fangirls . 'OHMIGOD !! MATT'S BUYING BBQ PORK CHOPS !!' , and before you know it , the store's sold out of BBQ pork chops . Okay , that's good business for the store , but it's hell for anyone else who happened to want BBQ pork chops . Talking of which , I think I've got some in here .. "  
Matt wandered into the kitchen , and opened the freezer compartment of his fridge .  
" Yeah , I got some . Ya wanna have them ? I've got some hot sauce here too , we could have phaal-BBQ-pork chops . "  
" I've heard about your hot sauce from TK , I thiiink I can go without that . "  
" Okay , no hot sauce then .... "  
Tai looked up at Matt's ceiling for no apparent reason .  
He grinned evilly .  
" But hey , Matt ? "  
" Yeah ? "  
There was the sound of clinking pots and pans from inside of the kitchen , Matt was obviously preparing whatever it was that he was preparing .  
" I wouldn't mind trying some of YOUR hot sauce later .. "  
" But you just said that you didn't wa- "  
There was a pause .  
" Ohhh , I geddit ... hehe , sure . Be happy to oblige ya . "  
" That's goood . "  
Tai leaped up from the sofa . He wandered over to the front door , and drew the lock on it .  
" Don't want to be disturbed , after all .. "  
He sighed happily , and leant his back against the door .  
" It's all happened so fast ... but yeah , Yamato Ishida , I luv ya . At least I can admit that now ..... "  
Matt's head poked out from the kitchen .  
" J'ya say something , Tai ? "  
Tai realised that he'd said that out loud .  
" Hm ? No , nothing . I was just thinking out loud , that's all . Oh , and that's a really cute pink apron you've got there . "  
Matt looked down at the apron , then back up at Tai , sweatdropping slightly .  
" Ah , yeah ... it's the only apron we've got . Might as well use it , y'know .. "  
" Yup , I know . "  
" Hee .. "  
Matt's head popped back round into the kitchen , and Tai jumped back onto the sofa .  
" {Yeah , I could get used to this . Being Matt's lover's not such a bad thing , after all . At least we can guarantee that we won't lose contact after we get married or whatever ... hmm , I wonder if either of us WILL get married ?} "  
Tai thought about that for a second .  
" Hmm ... OI , MATT ? "  
" WHAT ? "  
" Ya think you'll ever get married ? "  
" Whaddaya mean ? I've got you . I don't need anyone else . You don't think ... that you'll get married , will ya ? "  
" Nah , I was just thinking .. nah , it doesn't matter . We're gonna stay together for a long time , right ? "  
" As long as you want to . "  
Tai smiled up at the ceiling .  
" How does eternity sound ? "  
" Sounds great to me . "  
" That's good . We'll be together for that long , then . "  
There was a silence from the kitchen . Tai was about to say something , but then closed his eyes , and decided that he didn't need to say anything .  
Inside the kitchen , Matt was slicing a potato . Tears were in his eyes , and he put the knife down for a moment . His arms were getting a little wobbly .  
He whispered to himself .  
" What's up with me ... oh , I don't even need to pretend . Tai , I love you ... and I'm glad that you love me too ... eternity'll be fun with you by my side , Taichi Kamiya ... you rejected me . You didn't need to ... I thought it wasn't neccisary , that there was no point .. but it makes moments like this that much sweeter ... "  
Matt wiped his eyes with his sleeve , and resumed slicing the potato .  
  
  
~FIN~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
****  
Author's notes  
****  
  
  
Yay , it's finished !! This isn't the first Taito peice I've written , but it IS the first peice that I've finished , hee :D . I didn't mean for it to get this long ^_^ ... first , it was just gonna be the letter from Matt to Tai , and that was it .. then I decided to have Tai become really cut up about it , and he'd come to Matt's apartment , and realise that he DID love Matt after all , and find the note , and realise that it was too late ... then I thought 'what the hell , I'll give this a happy ending for the hell of it !!' , and made Tai and Matt meet up at the airport ^^ .  
Dija like it ? Mail moi at Partypoppl@aol.com ifya want ^^ .  
Oh , and for those who were wondering ... ye-es , I *WAS* hinting at Jyoushirou there :D  
Looking back on retrospect , it's funny to see how much of this , the letter part at least , was inspired from events that took place in my life around that time :P . Well , that's blokes for ya , *sigh* U,u ... ^o^  
And I love Ayumi Hamasaki's music !! I listened to "Endless Sorrow" and "Powder Snow" a lot while writing this , she rocks ^o^ . Esp. Endless Sorrow during the "I'M SORRY !!!" bit ... shame my grandma walked in telling me to go to bed while writing that bit . I'm nearly crying from emotion , then suddenly ... geh . But that's grandparents for ya u,u  
  
~Tabi~  
Partypoppl@aol.com 


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